Expiration Date Averted

According to the highly developed civilization of the ancient Mayan’s Friday, December 21, 2012 was to be the end of the world and humanity.

Well, the prevailing doomsday is upon us and I have neither seen hide nor hair of an apocalypse, although I did get a phone call bright and early this morning from hubster.

The complex he stays at while in New Jersey lost power and he woke to complete darkness this morning, the blackness so thick he thought he was still in a state of slumber. After he confirmed it was only his neighborhood that lost power and NOT the entire world gone amok he proceeded to turn his generator on and then called me to confirm his late night arrival. I guess the appearance at his family Christmas party tomorrow night is unavoidable!

12.21.12

If you don't see me tomorrow.....Nah, you will!

I Believe in you, too

Thursday, December 13, 2012 @ 10:53 pm

I Believe in you, too

Depictions of October

Thursday, November 29, 2012 @ 4:01pm

Depictions of October

Halloween was a calamity in our household this year but Mouse didn't seem to mind. I couldn't get out and get the costume she wanted so she borrowed my sorceress hat. Huh! I wear it so much better though, so I hear, and that's from people who don't even know me!

I got a 'kick' out of Mase's Halloween garb when I got the text. We call him Wilson now.

I have to say without doubt, this is definitely a favorite photo of mine. Mikenna was pleasantly surprised her brother let her sit next to him, and hugged her to boot. She even commented to me about it afterwards.

He really does love his baby sister.

And then there were nonstop celebrations of this sort - my son-in-law's, Godchild's, son's, nephew's, great-nephew's, an additional nephew and we were blessed with the birth of yet another great-nephew this month. Oh, and one commemoration, which, without doubt is and always has been insignificant to a certain someone.

I went on my first chauffeured wine tour excursion. The limousine was a tad overcrowded but no one seemed to mind.

Family Hike

With hubster away most of the time, we try to do as much as we can as a family when he's in town. Mouse wanted to go hiking so we went hiking! Best part, we didn't have to travel too far. There are so many neat trails right here in our beautiful town.

And Caesar even took a few moments to enjoy the sights.

Our apple tree took a nasty hit from the high winds we had. Thank goodness the pear tree wasn't damaged. We had absolutely no apples this year and harvested only one meager pear. It was quite good though. Small, but good!

And while on an outing with hubster, I found my Christmas wish gift...

And it only costs a mere $1000.00. He got a good laugh out of it.

The Spell of the Season

Monday, November 26, 2012 @ 11:09pm TX9J8DC93U6Q

 

The Spell of the Season

 

Mouse wanted to put up the Christmas tree this past weekend and I thought it was a splendid idea. Coming home last week after being indisposed for a short time, driving though the village I could not help but notice the festive holiday decor on the quaint timeworn businesses and charming homes that lined the enchanting streets of the hamlet. It made me kind of melancholy but joyful at the same time, all that was needed and would have added to the celebratory atmosphere and responsiveness I had felt, at that moment,was a dusting of snow on the ground, a prospect that would no doubt happen eventually.

 

Christmas has never really been one of my favorite holidays to celebrate, even as a child. I cannot pinpoint or say, for certain, the actual reasons why this festal holiday has caused disconsolateness for me. Whether it is due to circumstances growing up or some other reason I can only surmise, but I can positively say the loss of my father and then my nephew during this otherwise merry season surely magnifies the anguish, despair and desolation I carry with me to this day.

Thanksgiving was exceptionally exhausting for me so her father pulled out the artificial Christmas tree and I watched them put it up together. I was hoping on getting a real one this year, but this will have to do and as long as it makes her happy, then I am happy too. I will light some pine-scented candles to help achieve the aromatic feel a real tree brings to the season.

Mouse wanted the tree positioned on the inside wall of the room and not in front of the window where we usually place it and I could see them sorting and attaching the boughs from the confines of my bed, occasionally they would stop and ask me if it was acceptable. And while I watched the two of them construct the mock sapling, I could see out the window a light covering of snow collecting on the ground and it was magical. 

 

It is going to be a beautifully enchanted Christmas this year.
 

Safe

Friday, November 02, 2012 @ 7:30am

Safe

 

I pulled out Kenna’s craft box Tuesday afternoon in hopes it would keep her occupied for a little while; school had been canceled because of the impact of hurricane Sandy.

Her father made his long journey home from Jersey early last week because of the possibilities it hitting the area he is in, which it did, and he has been here all week scrambling to procure whatever work he can. And although it has given him time to catch-up on overdue computer work, his production is now at a standstill for God knows how long. Even so, it has been nice to have him here and feel his warm body next to mine in my bed knowing he is safe and out of harms way.

It was also nice having him able to come with me to yet another funeral. He made me laugh though when he told me the real reason for him accompanying me. I will not elaborate here other than saying he was concerned my nemesis would be there. No worries though, not that I had any. Written words have been negated, and, the truth prevails.

Dealing with the Grief

Friday, October 26, 2012 @ 5:22pm

Dealing with the Grief

 

Everything happens for a reason, I need to believe this. When we long for something, work diligently for and finally attain it then have it unexpectedly torn from our clutches, it can be devastating. Even the smallest of things can have a profound emotional impact no matter whether or not it be insignificant and trivial to others. That is the beauty of being an individual, we all see and feel distinctively different and are unique in our own way.

There are things that happen in our life that we are forced to accept, things we reluctantly have to recognize no matter how hard or frustrating they may be. We have to learn to let go of the plights we find unbearable to live with, desperately attempting now and again to unchain the shackles that restrain us and weigh us down. This, often, not an easy task to achieve and occasionally we have to force ourselves to walk away from the situation we cannot better or change, regardless of how hard it may be for us. We learn to accept and acknowledge these tests that are set before us, and we deal with them best we can and in the process, we try to learn as much as we can from them. It can be quite maddening!

I went with my daughter to the hospital the other day. While in the examination room, my optical senses focused upon the small screen monitor that hung from the wall and my audible perceptivity honed in to the galloping sound coming from the fetal heart Doppler positioned on her abdomen. As I stood there, I could not help but feel a variety of emotions run through my whole being. My heart burst with joy and broke all at the same time. There are certain things that are just too difficult to deal with on our own and the death of a child is one of them.

Even if it is “just” a rudiment, I believe most women need a strong and willing support system to get through the emotional pain, and, there is a great deal of concealed pain associated with it as well. With or without that support, we attempt to deal with the loss best we can and carry on. We continue to smile, to laugh, to enjoy things, our days go on. However inside, something dies within us and we cry silently, our spirit crushed.

My daughter will be 17 weeks pregnant Monday, her due date the end of March early April and while we were blessed originally with the news she carried twins, we, rather she, lost one of the babies she carried in her womb. 

As brief a time as she had nurturing that one baby, it has left an imprint on our hearts along with a huge void, and although we weep for what could have been, after all we (most of us) are human, we smile and are joyous for what still is.

 

Twins

Wednesday, October 10, 2012 @ 9:48pm

Twins

"Sometimes when you pray for a miracle, you get two."

I saw this inscription on a wall plaque online and I couldn't resist, so, yep, I threw caution to the wind and ordered it.

Simple Wonders

Friday, October 05, 2012 @ 1:05am

Simple Wonders

What is a miracle?

 

According to the Merriam-Webster’s a miracle is

1. An extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs. 

2. An extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment. 

 

Miracles occur all the time. They arise from and in various means. You seldom have to search too far to witness a miracle, just look around you.

They do not always come wholly from noble and honorable occurrences but can manifest and be marked by way of controversy, complications and obstacles in our lives.

Jean de la Bruyere, a French writer, quoted “Out of difficulties grow miracles.” I suppose it is all in how you perceive things and how you interpret the rhetorical question whether you believe the glass is half empty or half full. An optimist is going to be a lot happier than a pessimist is, not to mention more capable in seeing the diminutive marvels all around us that happen on a daily basis.

The course we take throughout our life changes periodically, in part by the difficulties that befall us. No one person is exclusive to hard times but rather, their enigma unique in his or her own right.

I have sat in uncertainty and tears many a night wondering what good could come out of a debauched or deplorable condition, and in time, occasionally these lamented events give way to welcoming surprises.

I am no stranger to miracles; I have witnessed them my whole life. Some of them less grander or impressive than others, but miracles and extremely memorable nonetheless.

This month has been no exception in regards to fulfilling reveries, and those dreams coming to fruition. My daughter and son-in-law have been trying to conceive now for a while; there have been moments I have sat and cried with her and enveloped her in my arms because no matter what they did or what they tried it was not materializing. I received the most precious gift from her recently, and as I pulled the gift from the bag, she commented, saying, “It’s a belated birthday gift that had been on back-order for some time.” It finally happened, and in March/April of 2013 I will once again become a Mema, of twins no less!

After I realized what I was looking at, I was handed a pack of Doublemint gum. Not comprehending the meaning of it, I opened the pack up and popped a piece in my mouth.

And still, there is one monumental moment I have waited for, seems like forever. One single moment that has filled my heart with unequivocal joy and there are no words that can fully express it. A trifling event to some I am sure, but for me, well, there is no other word to describe it other than, a miracle.

On the 28th of this month, it will be 26 years since I gave birth to my first son. If you are a regular reader in here and even slightly familiar with Asperger’s, you know then of the difficulties and heartaches families endure; the dejection they tolerate and despondencies they bear. His older sister pulled me aside the other night, a smile as wide as the Grand Canyon on her face and she told me when she was leaving, he acknowledged her departure and kissed her goodbye. That alone is groundbreaking, but what made my heart sing and caused me to snivel for days afterward and still, were four simple words he articulated to me. “I love you, mom.” Words I waited almost 26 years to hear.

To most, these things may not be such a big deal, but to us, they are our simple wonders. They are, our miracles.