Friday, October 26, 2012 @ 5:22pm
Dealing with the Grief
Everything happens for a reason, I need to believe this. When we long for something, work diligently for and finally attain it then have it unexpectedly torn from our clutches, it can be devastating. Even the smallest of things can have a profound emotional impact no matter whether or not it be insignificant and trivial to others. That is the beauty of being an individual, we all see and feel distinctively different and are unique in our own way.
There are things that happen in our life that we are forced to accept, things we reluctantly have to recognize no matter how hard or frustrating they may be. We have to learn to let go of the plights we find unbearable to live with, desperately attempting now and again to unchain the shackles that restrain us and weigh us down. This, often, not an easy task to achieve and occasionally we have to force ourselves to walk away from the situation we cannot better or change, regardless of how hard it may be for us. We learn to accept and acknowledge these tests that are set before us, and we deal with them best we can and in the process, we try to learn as much as we can from them. It can be quite maddening!
I went with my daughter to the hospital the other day. While in the examination room, my optical senses focused upon the small screen monitor that hung from the wall and my audible perceptivity honed in to the galloping sound coming from the fetal heart Doppler positioned on her abdomen. As I stood there, I could not help but feel a variety of emotions run through my whole being. My heart burst with joy and broke all at the same time. There are certain things that are just too difficult to deal with on our own and the death of a child is one of them.
Even if it is “just” a rudiment, I believe most women need a strong and willing support system to get through the emotional pain, and, there is a great deal of concealed pain associated with it as well. With or without that support, we attempt to deal with the loss best we can and carry on. We continue to smile, to laugh, to enjoy things, our days go on. However inside, something dies within us and we cry silently, our spirit crushed.
My daughter will be 17 weeks pregnant Monday, her due date the end of March early April and while we were blessed originally with the news she carried twins, we, rather she, lost one of the babies she carried in her womb.
As brief a time as she had nurturing that one baby, it has left an imprint on our hearts along with a huge void, and although we weep for what could have been, after all we (most of us) are human, we smile and are joyous for what still is.
