February Trip South

Our yearly trip south is never long enough, at least the part where it's spending time with my son and grandson. This year, with the upcoming arrival of my son's second child, due March 11th, we decided to make the trip down earlier in the year rather than wait until August like we have always done in past years.  I originally was going to go down alone because my son had asked if I could come help him out, taking care of things around the house and with his 3 year old. I dreaded the thought of going down alone but I took his request as a silent cry for relief and to get a break from the nonstop stressors and madness he deals with on a daily basis; I don't know how he does it, working full-time, running a household pretty much alone, furthering his education and taking care of his son with very little help from his girlfriend or her parents and what little help he does get, it's usually his girlfriend's father watching our grandson when my son goes to work or school, but that too has declined drastically due to health issues my son's girlfriend's father is now dealing with.

I have always believed adult children will eventually find mates similar to their parent and this is very true in the case of my daughter. My son-in-law is eerily identical to my husband when it comes to personality, temperament and character, it's like looking at a younger clone version of my husband and I've often thanked God she found him but, my son's girlfriend, there is no way in hell I have ever been as indolent as she is and there is a lot of tension between the two of us because of it.

I suppose her disdain toward me is warranted same as mine is for her, only difference is, our antipathy toward each other is for different reasons and I have always had a very hard time hiding behind a false facade, my feelings are not easily hidden. Once I get to know someone and see their true character, if I don't like it I try to avoid the person because even when I try to fake it, it's distinctly transparent. It's comparable to holding down a job you've become miserable in. You enter into it with high expectations, find little things that annoy you or find intolerable, you try working through the irritations weighing the pros and cons but eventually, if things don't change, you end up not doing your best work or giving it your all, same as in relationships.   

When we left for South Carolina we knew there was a good chance we'd be there for the birth of our (third) grandson. Although her due date wasn't until March she had already started showing signs of early labor.  We arrived at our extended stay hotel too late Saturday the 14th to make the trip over to the house so we waited until Sunday morning to make an appearance.  My son was working Saturday night anyway and his girlfriend, well, this would be the first we'd be seeing her since our clash of personalities that took place last time they all were up north.  But now that she was blessing us with another grandchild, and for my son's sake I needed to shelf my animosity toward her and hope she wouldn't cause further contention within the family as she has so many times before.

After we arrived at the house and shortly after  the boys left to run errands she went into labor, and two hours later we were blessed with our third grandson.  Kingston made his appearance without complication Sunday the 15th of February and he is absolutely beautiful.

Bugsy (as I affectionately call him)  spent the week with us at the hotel and although it's only once a year we get to see him, he was very comfortable staying with us and was a typical 3 year old, spending a great deal of the time jumping on the beds, dancing on the window sill and running around through the rooms.  I laughed pretty much the whole time.  He is getting so big and I often find myself saddened I don't have the same relationship as I do with my daughter's son, Bean (a nickname I dubbed my second grandson).

Whenever we stay at a hotel I write out a backwards message on the bathroom mirror.  Yes, call me juvenile, believe me when I say I've been called worse. One morning after hubby took Bugsy to his therapy class I finished my shower and stepped out to see another message written out below the one I had written. My mischievous side was reciprocated and I am almost certain not by an imprisoned entity behind the mirror. Apparently my impishness has rubbed off on my daughter.

One of our day trips took us to Old Town Bluffton not far from my son's home and actually a short hike on a beautiful day. We opted to drive though because although we left behind mounds of snow up north it was a tad bit chilly in the low-country this trip and we never know how long we'll stroll through town.
We never miss a visit there when we go down although I'm positive my husband wished we would. I never seem to leave without purchasing a few small items or browsing through my favorite quaint little bookstore.  We visited, what will be a new favorite haunt, Lawton Stables located on Hilton Head Island and not far from my son's place of employment.  Bug's enjoyed clucking with the chickens and was in awe with a Clydesdale horse who goes by the name of Harley.  And although we didn't get a chance to get to Savannah, Ga. this trip like I wanted to to stroll the historic district ( Mikenna and I like to admire and take photos of the old architectural buildings) we did go sightseeing on Hilton Head and I've picked out our new vacation home. Now if only we could win big in the lottery.



Our trip back home emerged into a perilous journey to say the least. Our travels through West Virginia alone was a daunting 8 and 1/2  hours which normally takes better than half that time.  Besides the Semi that fishtailed and ended up with its trailer turned completely around (pictured here) there were numerous vehicles in ditches and the majority of them were plows attempting the process of removing snow. Go figure! We even witnessed a salt truck flip over, not entirely due to icy roads but in part to its load shifting as it maneuvered a turn.



The one good thing about making the trip in a car versus flying, which I'd prefer, is looking for the Coffindaffer crosses that adorn the interstate highways. West Virginia has more sets of crosses planted than any other state, their number ranging in the hundreds. Sadly though the weather wouldn't cooperate and made it difficult to spot these magnificent spiritual symbols.  We did although spot a couple enormous single crosses planted in the fields of Pennsylvania.



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~The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.  ~Thomas Szasz

You forgive those simple because you still want them in your life, it doesn't mean you forget the hurt.

Originally posted 3/17/15 @ 12:41 am (3)

Christmas Memories

Christmas has always been a wistful and lugubrious holiday for me.  From a very young age I've been able to sense and feel the sadness and pain in others and I think that has contributed to it.  So many people hurt especially during the holiday seasons and I pick up on that which instinctively causes a deep, for lack of a better word, depression within me. I've learned to try to suppress that and surround myself with positive, happy energy rather than negative but sometimes that is impossible and so, I search out solitude to ground me.

Cruz reaching for the orb no one saw

Last Christmas I wasn't up to par to set up and trim my memory tree.  As a matter of fact, I didn't do any of the decorating last year because of illness nor did I don the Santa suit on Christmas Eve at the family celebration either.

 

The ornaments that adorn my remembrance tree represent a loved one who is no longer here. I put it up this year and as I placed each memorial ornament on its boughs I paused for a moment to remember them. It seems to be filling faster with each passing year.
I make each ornament myself. In the picture above, my daughter's tree is in front of it filled with her ornaments she receives each year, a tradition my older daughter started with her years ago. And at my families Christmas gathering I even donned the red suit like I had so many years in the past.





For the last few years Kenna has been questioning the existence of Santa Clause.


Eve the  elf made an appearance





It's been a difficult task, It's been harder and harder each year to continue the façade and keep the magic present. I even pulled out the old Elf on the Shelf and bought an elf ornament, adding a message on the back of it for her.

I encouraged her to write a letter to that Jolly Ol' man and she did.




Cruz not happy wearing the antlers


I suppose it has helped I keep reiterating to her
"You don't believe, you don't receive." And although two of the things on her wish list will take time to tell if they come to fruition, she did get the other two items and Santa even answered her questions. (Best I could)



I so dislike the fact she will one day tell me I'm full of reindeer poop and the magic of believing in an benevolent figure will be gone. And although she knows the true meaning of Christmas, isn't there something innocent and heartwarming to have your child wake Christmas morn with that gleaming sparkle in her eye thinking Saint Nick visited the night before?






This Christmas, I have had so much to be thankful for.  My health issues are currently being managed successfully and the biopsy I had to have last month came back as being benign, a far cry from where I was last year at this time.  But the most precious gift I cherish with all my heart, is a baby boy I affectionately call Bean.

Tucson News / Murder

Back in October I got a message from my niece in Tucson. Needless to say she was more than a little upset by the news. This young man is the half-brother of the young man serving 22 years for my brother's murder, he was also one of four involved in it. Released from prison in September he is believed to be the suspect in a double homicide in Phoenix, Arizona.

 

10.23.13

 

Man suspected in Phoenix double murder, served time for crimes in Tucson - KVOA.com

TUCSON - The search is on for a Tucson man suspected of killing a teenage girl, and her boyfriend Monday night in Phoenix.
24 year old Hector Taner Karaca was released from prison last month and is considered armed and dangerous.
Karaca is linked to the 2006 murder of a Quick Mart employee in Tucson.
While a murder charge was ultimately dropped, he served time for hindering prosecution. Loved ones of the man killed are both angry and terrified that Karaca is on the loose.
"It's very scary, I'm really upset," says a relative of Christopher Cottle who wants to remain anonymous.
Seven years ago Cottle was shot and killed during a robbery on July 15th 2006. He was 50 years old, a husband, father, grandfather, and military veteran.
"Fought for his country, came back and they took his life in his own backyard, that's really sad," says a family member.
Her grief now extends to the families of a young Phoenix couple Kristen Furgeri and Jose Villa
Police believe Karaca once a juvenile suspect in her loved one's murder, shot and killed the couple Monday, then took their car. It was found the next day torched.
"It's heartbreaking, they'll never be the same person anymore," she says, "Part of them has been taken away from them."
"I just pray for them, that's all I can say is I pray for them. And I hope they can get through this, because it was really hard for us," she adds.
Karaca, who's now on the run, was released from prison September 5, without parole, despite multiple disciplinary infractions behind bars.
He's described as six feet tall, 175 pounds with black hair and brown eyes. He has several tattoos 'Tucson" across his upper back and 'Chavez' across his stomach, likely for his friend Daniel Chavez the 27 year old convicted of murdering Cottle.
"I can't even talk, it's just so hard to know that he's out there again doing this, it's really really hard," says Cottle's family member.
Phoenix Police say since Karaca has strong ties to Tucson, they want everyone to be on the lookout.

~*~

Ex-con sought in Phoenix killings shoots himself | KVOA.com | Tucson, Arizona

12.13.13

PHX double murder suspect kills self after high speed chase in Tucson -KVOA.com

 

 

TUCSON- A murder suspect is dead, after leading Tucson Police on a high speed chase across the city's south side.
The chain of events started at 9:30am Thursday morning, when U.S. Marshals informed TPD that 24-year-old Hector Karaca was staying at La Quinta Inn at 7001 S. Tucson Boulevard.
Karaca was accused of killing a 25-year-old man and his 17-year-old girlfriend on October 21 up in Phoenix.
TPD Sgt. Chris Widmer says at around 1:15pm on Thursday, Karaca and a few other people left La Quinta Inn and got into a pickup truck.
They drove to the Spectrum Shopping Center at 1217 West Irvington Road.  They parked their car behind the Peter Piper's Pizza.  Karaca and one other individual got out of the truck and carjacked a red Camaro, after holding a gun to the driver's head.
Karaca started driving away in the Camaro at a high speed and TPD started chasing him by air and ground.
Near 5th Avenue and 22nd Street, Karaca collided with a pickup truck in front of Garcia's Cleaners.  The collision ended the chase, but Karaca got out of the car and began running through several residents' yards.  Sgt. Widmer says he then took out a handgun and shot himself in the head.  He was pronounced dead at the hospital.  The driver of the pickup truck tells News 4 Tucson he suffered only minor scrapes and bruises.
"It was like something out of the movies," says Eddie Escalante who works at Garcia's Cleaners.  "It was like the movie "The Fast and the Furious", just hauling butt.  The Camaro was at least four car lengths ahead of the cops."
Sgt. Widmer says TPD has two people in custody who were with Karaca when Thursday's incidents unfolded.
Digging deeper into Karaca's past, the News 4 Tucson Investigators learned Karaca was released from prison in September without parole.  He was the suspect in the 2006 murder of Christopher Cottle.  Cottle was working at a Quick Mart in Tucson, when he was killed during a robbery.
That murder charge was dropped, but Karaca served time for hindering the prosecution.

 

~*~

 

KVOA Tucson News Footage

Tucson News

Wrapped Up in Thoughts

 

I sat at the kitchen table yesterday afternoon looking out upon the vast emptiness of the field behind our home, I often do this when there is a lot on my mind. I had finished feeding the baby his lunch a half hour or so earlier and he was restless yet tired. His morning nap was a short intermission from his otherwise bustling self. He lounged comfortably on my lap off and on while I gazed outward through the dank glass door, him occasionally reaching up with his tiny perfect hand to touch my face. His tender caress on my skin soothing and I could sense his inquisitiveness.  He has been very clingy lately and is not happy unless he is being held, so I hold him, I rock and sing to him.  He actually does not mind my singing but rather enjoys it, I give him another four months before he takes cover and runs from my vocal warbling.  A light flurry of snow began to fall and it was magical. I am so looking forward to Christmas morning this year, whether it's due to this small babe who eventually found repose in my arms, his slumber there within them comforting to me or due to other reasons. I look at him and Mikenna and I see love, I see all that is good and I rejoice in the small miracles and celebrate the life we have.   

Blessings

This time last year I watched as my daughter and my husband assembled an artificial Christmas tree and decorated it without me. This year, I had already started pulling out the seasonal decor before the Thanksgiving season even hit. I'm dancing, singing and enjoying the season, anticipating the trimming of the boughs.

My daughter Mikenna and I sang Christmas songs as I prepared some of our Thanksgiving dishes for our family gathering, she gets a kick out of it when I improvise with the lyrics to our favorite carols. I pulled out my Christmas cd's and have been playing them while I rock my grandson to sleep. I enjoy having him here with me during the week. I'm usually dead tired by Friday but it's worth it and I'm glad I decided to go this route rather than stepping back out into the labor force taking the job I had been offered. And although it would have helped to have the extra income, taking care of him while my daughter works, watching him grow and him being a huge part of my life, I wouldn't have it any other way. I never realized how much I missed having a little one around.

There are so many things to be thankful for, especially this past year. Yes, we've had our share of setbacks and I go in for a biopsy tomorrow after my last doctor's appointment revealed an abnormality, but I'm not worried. I have been extremely blessed.

Thinking Positive

Another summer has come to an end.  It has been a full one, a busy, somewhat hectic one but an enjoyable one nonetheless.  I am extremely grateful for the opportunities I have been given and the hope that has arisen from the obstacles that have been set before me.  I have been very fortunate.

Every so often my husband is approached about relocating for his job. There have been numerous opportunities throughout the years to start anew somewhere else.  For years he has always dismissed the idea of moving out of state, saying I would not survive away from my family even though I had always been up to the challenge and willing for the adventure. It was only recently he admitted he was the one who didn't relish the idea of starting over somewhere else and not having family around, this revealed to me after an out of state job interview. I have to admit, I am grateful we never took that path and I often wonder if things happens for a reason. 

He is gone more than he is home due to his work, nothing new about that, although September was an exception, not because the out of state work has dwindled, on the contrary, but rather, due to him wanting to be here because of some personal issues and concerns of mine.  I have a round of tests later today which I am not looking forward to but needless to say, hoping for favorable results.  And if everything looks good, Kenna and I will be planning for a road trip next week. I so enjoy it when she's off from school.

Mending

I'm back. After a short pause, which was in no way easy in any aspect, I find myself a little stronger, a scant more aware and a bit more determined. It included a great deal of discomfort, turmoil and uncertainty along with the lack of energy to even open and attempt to write in here.

I made it through the first phase flawlessly. The second phase was a little more difficult, it at times being unbearable and the third, well, that's yet to be determined.  And although I will carry the scars it has left I would not change any of it even if the outcome is not what we hope for.

Short and sweet

This entry no doubt will be short seeing there is fewer hours in the day for me to sit down and write.  I suppose it's a good thing my other blogs all have draft posts sitting in the "waiting to be published" section that just need tweaking here and there for the most part.

I have been watching my grandson Cruz everyday since my daughter went back to work a couple weeks ago. I had forgotten how draining it is to be at the beck and call of an infant.  My daughter called me Friday morning telling me she wasn't going to drop him off because when she changed his diaper at his late night feeding and then again that morning she noticed a tinge of blood in it. We spent the day at the doctor's.  It wasn't until she was told he'd need a catheter and it might be something internal that it hit her hard.

He lays here next to me and I can't help but marvel at this blessing and although I may be a little partial, his comeliness is breathtaking.  I find myself at times watching him as he sleeps taking in all the wonders of this tiny human being.  This small, sweet innocent child who smiles at me every morning when I say "Good morning Bean" holds my heart in every beaming grin, grimacing frown and pouting lip.

Love At First Sight

 

 

  


 Mouse meeting her nephew for the first time.

 

 

 

And, even though her brother said he didn't want to go over to his sister's house with us to meet the new addition to our family, he couldn't resist.

 

 

   

Gatherings

I stood across the room watching Meah.  She found a seat on the couch next to her aunt whom she seldom sees but two or three times a year. With everything that's been going on, all the get-togethers as of late she's had the blessed opportunity to see this side of the family more than usual.  Her father walked up behind me and he wrapped his arms around me.  His strong hold on me felt good, I felt safe.  I've always felt secure and protected in his arms.  We watched as she manipulated her hands in talk, her limbs taking flight giving animation to her words and he softly chuckled in my ear commenting "she's just like you."  I turned, taking my sight off her and planting my visual senses on his hazel eyes asking whether he thought that was a good thing or not. He smiled and leaned into me, his soft kiss on my lips answered my question.

We stood there a good ten minutes watching her.  A nine year old and forty one year old deep in conversation but I don't think her aunt even had an opportunity to speak.  When I asked her later what the conversation was about, her nonchalant reply to me amused me "Oh, you know, this, that and everything else " then she asked me "Is there really life after death?"  I didn't know where that had come from and I asked her if that was the conversation she had had with her aunt. She answered me with a questionable "no." She proceeded to ask me about a picture she saw on my camera from Christmas.

The blob on the right,
almost translucent we have no idea what it is

There has been a few strange happenings here in the domicile.  And although I'm hesitant in speaking of this with the fear of sounding "crazy" (I could cite a rogue blog entry here pertaining to me) at least I know now I'm not the only one who has witnessed these strange occurrences.  Besides the odd image in the picture shown here which I shrugged off as a glitch with the settings, although a second picture taken within a minute was fine, there have been some eerie, unexplained and unusually bizarre incidents going on.

I've seemed to have shrugged off the majority of these events, giving them little if any respectable merit at all. Just as I have with some individuals.  There was an evening I had awaken, got up to go to the bathroom and as I walked past the living room heading back to bed my sight caught a glimpse of a figure standing in the living room.  It frightened me and I was taken aback at the time but too tired and sick to think about it, convincing myself it was just my imagination especially since when I took a double take it no longer was there.  But the thing that disturbs me, which I don't know if she's even congnizant of but wonder now after asked that question, was the night I heard a loud bang from her room and I thought she had fallen out of bed.  It was after 2 am, I had been just drifting off to sleep when I heard the loud noise and I rushed to her room to see her garbage pail had been propeled across the room and its contents scattered on the floor.  After I checked on her and seen she was still tucked tightly under the covers and fast asleep, I picked up the can and garbage, on the floor among the scattered wrappings and crumpled papers her rosary lay.  I stood there perplexed wondering how and why that happened. And although a young boy died in a tragic accident here in the 60's  I've never had the feeling of uneasiness in this house until that night and I find myself repeating over and over in my head, it's not the dead you need to fear, it's the living.